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Sign the 'bring back Vids' petition Here.... |
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Welcome to Bucklands rutting ouvre of chimplike utterances |
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Free-Range-Organically-Grown-Welshness-Available. Do you want a particular issue addressed by Nige on film? An especially-sweary-or-over-wordy-speech/oratory written for a best friend, enemy or member of the family? ... And even get-it dedicated & performed by Nige? Now's your bastarding chance. As I'm Nige & I'm up for any form of oddball commission at the moment . Send email & I'll rsvp asap.
Short Order Chef
With your greasy striped trousers And acrid coffee breath Flicking facial scabs into the soup du-jour Nasal hairs into the crème de menthe. Short Order Chef: You are a vile yellow-toothed lump of hate Blowing snot onto a diners plate Smoking menthol cigarettes and picking your arse Squeeze out some turds into a glass, Mix it with some mocha and serve it with a side order of
pus You hate the diners you hate the staff, Short order chef, you served me last….night.
"A life unexamined, is a life not worth living"- Socrates 399 BC . "Yes, but why?"- Buckrates 13.52 Thurs
A HEAVY PROTEST SONG Knickers to you people
I’m going to do things my way
Knickers to you people
It’s my way or the highway
Going to have two sugars in my tea
Then I’m off to climb a tree
Or maybe I’ll stay in bed ‘til 3
One of these Sundays
Going to learn the ukulele
Going to call my uncle Bernie
Going to sing Happy Birthday
Even though it’s not his birthday
Going to get some moccasins
Going to put on an old pair of slacks
Going into the kitchen To do some contemporary dance
Going to grow myself a beard
Going to shave my beard off
Going to grow another beard
And learn to ride a horse.
I say, Knickers to you people
I’m going to do things my way
Knickers to you people
It’s my way or the highway
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Dyslexic Remakes
American Gingster- Big puffed up effort. Looks amazing. Ultimately disappointing due to insubstantial, bland filling
Brigit Jones Dairy - Brigit relocates to a farm, milks her own breasts and makes prize-winning cheeses in her big knickers.
Flight Club - Macho pilots compete in drinking competitions before flying 747’s at low altitude over built up areas. Gay cabin crew auto-defecate in crisp light blue uniforms. THAT'S MAN-TERTAINMENT THAT IS!Men, given the rise in popularity of other men on cooking shows on the bastard television, are reportledly having homey mano-a-mano gatherings, where they prepare and cook haute cuisine meals for each other....This is at best, a free and safe environment for men to let their hard defences down. To talk from the heart and really bond..., not in that drunken repressive way that men generally/traditionally do,after a skinfull. This Man-Party could go some small way to help men realize some form of fuller potential. ....Or at worst it's a humourless cabal of Lifestyle Sucking Whores desperately affecting cosmopolitan values to bolster a cut'n'paste outer carapce of 'personality' by making organic ice-cream compote smoothies with their 'Life-Partners' breast milk. Fuck Knows. What do you think? SOME Themes would help the Night go off Better, yes? ... 'Name That Meat Night' - Some Ostrich, Kangaroo and Alligator? Nude Night: All have to BE NUDE. Maybe progressing to a Greek type bath and body scrub rub down? Loofers and oil please. A ROLE PLAYING NIGHT: All become a terrorist cell and figure out how to bring Greater Glasgow to a standstill using a CB Radio and some Superglue. Dumb Down Night.(Traditional) Kebabs, Lager, Hard Core pornography on an original Beta-max Machine. Old Vinyl Night: Fuckin' self-explanatory. Essentials: Warmth, Conviviality, Alcohol (beware house measures!) Spare quilts and cat litter. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Large and terrifying bungled ronktrouser. Sorry for the lack of updated Clank here on this site, been 'parking' my web activities lately and let the website slide. That will ALL be resolved as from this week, as I plan to re-energize this here bunghole of a website wiv some new irritainment and nihilitainment and various assigned topics and turgidly subjective floppers. Got it? Great. I have a band too! And we're ready willing and able to play anytime-anywhere. Give me a shout and we'll do you a gig you'll remember for yonks. Sincerely 'Dashing Andrew' #3
McClumperty's Vids Youtube page has now had-in it's short inception-over 25 thousand views! Vids Lives. A-fuckin'-gain! ALASHAPALOOD BROTHERS AND SISTERs I'm not Tone deaf, i'm TUNE deaf. Much worst. Can't remember any melodies.
...My old trick was to turn melodies into word-rhymes, Eastenders theme tune becomes: 'Lick & Suck My Cock & Balls' - not grammatically correct, but SCANS BEAUTIFULLY...examine our material needs, desires and life–ambitions.
Can’t we talk about breaking down the stranglehold of the daily grind and work together sharing our skills and resources and save the planet to-boot?
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In this cold and cynical age where everyone is happy to be a 'twat' 'bastard' 'cunt' and 'fucker' - I sometimes wonder what happened to all the 'nincompoops, rascals, bounders, cads, and nitwits?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My claim to fame is that I was the first person to use the term ‘pants’ in a post-modern manner. I actual fact, I coined the term ‘Pance’ but as it’s been taken up by trendy types it’s actually lost it’s comedic cache and it’s correct pronunciation. So the next time you hear someone saying something is ‘Pants’ tell them ‘No, actually it’s a pile of “Pance”’…pedantic but right.
News. I'm currently making a 'Yorath Cake' it's a kind of grey cake with wire and partial grit aggregate in it.
Update: Yorath cake a great succes. Inedible!
The BeardCombination. A Fully Integrated Cassock-Based Limbic System with the occasional Casual Overlord Tendencies. "Fuck that.I 'm Chocolated" Full Stop. Brother Marcus Membrane.
All new Nige Myspace music: http://www.myspace.com/nigebuckland Well, actually it's old music. Songs recorded about 5yrs ago at a pals studion in Cardiff....
All new, Peruvian Hipsters Myspace page comin' soon, with new batch of old songs, thanks to Ashley sendin' me a CD packed wiv Hipster rarities. Some of which I'd completly forgotten!
http://www.myspace.com/theperuvianhipsters
And let's not forget the lyricless jazz-noise-excusions of a couple of years ago. http://www.myspace.com/dogsizedcat
Welcome to ‘Ask The Doctor’. It’s JUST that. Ask the fucking doctor.
Hi Doc,
I'm overweight, and I don't really care. What you got to say about that?
Doctor Richard Stumplover: Nothing keep up the good work.
Dear peaceloving doctor,
I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older I’m less able to properly close my arsehole after having a shit. It takes ages to clean my ringpiece; sometimes I have a fucking shower, as it’s quicker and easier than using half a rainforest of recycled bogroll to slop up the mucky arse miasma… What can I bastarding do about it?
Thank you,
Tilly Dreghorn
PS: Sorry about the swearing, I’m deeply fucking upset as fuck.
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Doctor Bastard Lovechild:
Simply everybody’s doing the Pelvic Thrust this spring Tilly. And not just Presidents wives and bummers! So why not join in? Next time you in a cashpoint queue or having lunch with a close friend, clench and unclench your back/buttockall area… Tilly, your sphincter is the well tuned winking brown eye of…well if not the soul, then certainly the COLON.
Only last night I was waiting for some depressed looking barmaid to serve me in the pub, she was just stood there texting on her mobile phone, and I was just waiting there, like a lemon. But instead of getting angry, I began simply clenching and unclenching my rectum. It’s therapeutic, not just for your arsehole but for your emotional well being too. Not to mention your bogpaper-carbon footprint. Tilly, you old fucking Shitarse!
Hello Doctor Lovechild,
I’ve always been… well, if not downright ugly, then certainly plain looking and very slouchy and a bit of a downer to be honest. I thought plastic surgery might be an answer? I’m loaded and I don’t know what to spend it on, so I thought I might get a new nose, chin, eyebrow set and scrotal sac reduction. What do you suggest?
Generic Thanking Gesture
George Clooney
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Go for it George. But why not branch out a little and forego the formulaic cosmetic affectations of our current timid culture and have a spot of radical human exoskeletal restructuring? Maybe a pair of buffalo horns? Or some gills? I’m getting some transparent skin grafting so I can actually view my internal organs whilst they work!
Dear Doctor Raspnectar
I'm made of sand and glass, I don't like the sound I make when I speak outdoors. I'm a sort of rubble based being. At least in my minds eye. Thanks Randall Klepper
Mr Klepper: Forget about all that SHIT and eat some fucking biscuits!
Russell T Davies; DR Who Confidential Russell T Davies, sitting in his office dressed like Caligula, his laptop screensaver has images of Michelangelo’s' Adonis and the Athena male models scrolling through the back of shot…
“I’m Russell T Davies, and I’m a fucking genius right. I want the next ‘Who’ shot in fuckin’ Namibia with the Tardis materialising inside a fuckin’ elephants brain and ‘Who’ French kissing a shape shifting planetoid made of ....of...bastard spoons, whilst Big Ben is shot into fuckin' space and impregnates an Alien Pod of mutants that have evolved from fuckin'...fuckin'...er I don't know...Fuckin' grass okay? No. I don’t care how shit the scripts are getting’ or how profligate I'm becomin' with Licence Payers Money. I RULE THE BBC OKAY? Just DO IT! Get fucking Mirren I want her dressed as a SLUG”
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Belching FATTY'S TrouserLines GOLDEN CHIL'REN coughing up |
Click On the 'Read More' LINK above, to view TON UPON TON of bastarding video film...Including NYC to JFK..A wistful wander 'round Glasgow's West-End Vintage PERUVIAN HIPSTERS..LOWGODS..CAPRI..Italy Winter 2001..Wickerman 2003.. Vids episodes, June 10th trip to the Valleys AND Treorchy circa-1982. By Andy's rounded Dandylump! i'm uploading more regular film content that ITV airs in a fucking YEAR. Prolificus Buckicus.
" A life unexamined, is a life not worth living"- Socrates. ....Yes, but WHY?
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Wales was, well...yeah..you know really...like....Welsh...and stuff......Only TWO WEEKS AGO I Got truly hammered with a bunch of embittered 30 to 40 year old danfruff covered divorcee hairy arsed blokes in the Lion Public House Treorchy...it was Wednesday night. Wednesday night for fuck's sake.. and i STILL Managed to find 6 guys whom i knew 'vaguely' all whom wanted to get really fucked up mid-week...we're talkin' E's Coke, dope vodka shots... etc...One bloke'd dropped FIVE E's and was going.."If only they played some kicking HOUSE music in here it'd be fuckin' BRAW MAN".....& I'm thinking "Hang on, it's an old man's pub in deader than dead Treorchy in the Rhondda Valley- nothin's happened here since George Best opened a Chinese fuckin' restraunt in 1970fuckin4!!
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No, not in the traditional Hollywood Casting Couch department either.
“Oeuvre? Oh, Darling don’t... please…”
The English Actress can’t, and more importantly, won’t, play an idiot. Nor will they ‘Do’ comedy or slapstick. (It takes a Canadian to play Bridget Jones) And they certainly WILL NOT play Ugly, Disturbed, Deluded or Working Class. Okay?
The English Actress and the hubris that surrounds her
How come nearly all, English actresses’ are posh, preppy, privileged, pompous and patronising?
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