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"Needs Some Work"....Cuntas Inspired comedy skit.
For your information, 'Cuntas' is a Gaelic  political show aired in Scotland!   “Needs Work”

Television clip show fronted by the utterly fucking charmless
 Mr Twatney Bolecock.


"Hi, welcome to “Needs Work”…this is the section of the show where we look at the many and varied pilot programmes that have been made over the years. Pilot programmes that often fell at the first hurdle because they lacked that certain ‘something’, or indeed, programmes that had a certain ‘something’ that no one seemed to notice at the time! (he laughs and coughs up a small bit of sick) Jesus! (he wipes it on his jacket)…. What about this little gem from the Open University…

Cut to pre recorded VT ‘Pilot Programmes’ Intro music, lights fade up from black, an earnest looking ‘serious’ presenter turns on his swivel chair…

“Hello, and welcome to…Let’s All Speak…the topical discussion show that takes a long hard look at current affairs from the publics’ point of view”.

Crucially, the presenters’ head & shoulders block out a few key letters to the programme title, which is flashed up on the screen in the background. The presenter’s head obscures the E & A letters in ‘Speak, making the programme title look like ‘Let’s All Spunk’.

Bolecock:
 “Or, what about this religious programme from the nineteen seventies…”

Dour presenter sitting at desk with flared shirt and nylon suit, with green screen behind. Fades up ‘It Came To Pass’

 “Hello, brethren, I bid you welcome to ‘It Came To Pass’

Of course, the presenters’ head has made the title appear to be ‘It Came To PISS’

Bolecock:
"And can you believe this Local News segment from an American network”.

Cheesy News Guy/Anchorman turns to camera as background title fades up

“And, just before signing off, this is Ted Bradburnley asking you the public to take ONE GUESS who’s in ‘Today’s Twist’”.

(Yes, you’ve guessed it; his head has made the title appear to read… ‘Today’s Twat’)

Bolecock:
“And here’s a bit of 80’s nostalgia for all you disco dancers.’

Badly dressed white boy in bad 80’s disco gear dancing badly

 “Hi guys, I'm Trey Snipper come on in! Yes! It’s time for some ‘Total Funk’ (Yes…Total Fuck…)

Bolecock:
 ‘What about these never-before-seen children’s’ ‘Learning’ Programmes?’

Primary coloured awful kidz TV presenter

 “Hellooooo I’m Brian Sneddon-Clarke. Are you ready children? Good. Because it’s time for….Learn to Count (cunt)

 
“Hi kidz, my name’s Barney the Buffalo! Okay, ready? Yes, ‘Let’s All Shout’” (Shit)

 ‘This 1969 music programme never really had the longevity of ‘Top Of The Pops’…I wonder why…

“Salutations. May I bid you welcome. I’m Trevor Bone your convivial compere on tonight’s’ ‘Modern Bandstand’ (Bastard)

Bolecock:
“And this quiz show from Northern Ireland never quite understood the pun in its’ title”

“Hello, I’m Findlay O’Hare, and this is
‘Clock Masters’ to be sure… (COCK MASTERS)


Okay the idea is basic but it would need some serious prop period dressing.
 
 
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