919492 fine fellows have paid their respects thus far...
 
 
 
BRITS BREAK WORLD RECORDS FOR THINGS THAT OTHER COUNTRIES CAN’T BE ARSED TO.
BRITS BREAK WORLD RECORDS FOR THINGS THAT OTHER COUNTRIES CAN’T BE ARSED TO.


 Basically, these days, it seems the only thing Brits can break when it comes to world records are stupid single person endurance events that rely on being able to ‘cope’.

It’s the Helen Macarthur effect. ‘I’m a middle class English person who’s decided to spend my gap year sailing single-handed around the world basically because I’m such an insufferable cunt that no-one else can stand to be near me let alone sail around the world with me!

SKETCH ONE: (Voice Over/or cheesy presenter)‘This is Hannah Smyth-Montpelier Goa.

She’s just smashed the record for the number of times she can say ‘actually’ in one day, Hannah’s managed 23 thousand Actually’s in a 24 hour stretch! Horray! Her book about how she ‘coped’ is out by Hodder & Staunton next fucking month Actually..ha ha ha...

Hannah- ‘Yeah, well, actually, I’ve actually been saying actually since I was about 2. I actually picked the phrase up, whilst actually listening to Radio One-actually everyone on Radio One say’s actually all the time actually.

Presenter Our next Brit world record breaker is Tiggy-Tecwen Tunbridge Turdesque, she’s just snatched the title for tying and untying her shoelaces over a 12-month period clocking up an incredible 14 million ties and 12 thousand hundred fucking times! ....
 
 
Home
Rants
Collective Nouns
Ideas
Broadcasting
Drug Tales
Gallery
Commission Nigel
Contact Nigel
Links
Video Clips





Lost Password?