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Beard Limericks
“What comes from within and starts to sprout out
 What grows when you’re dead and grows when you're drunk,
Sometimes flecked with biscuit, smelling like a sock
 Or trimmed & oiled to perfection like a facial cock.

It starts in adolescence and can grow to your knees
Sometimes smooth like a baby
or pubicular & frizzee

 Much maligned: over designed
 & recently reclaimed by some queers
Ok 3-2-1 let’s hear it for beards.”

Is it really so weird,
to grow a beard,
is it something to hide behind.

Perhaps you've got a big chin,
or terrible skin,
or a face like an arse,
a cleft pallette of course,
or an unsightly scar
or birthmark shaped
like Rosanne Barr.

You think you look like a pig,
or a dog with a pout,
or a pig/dog hybrid,
with a snout

But it's not so weird,
to grow a beard,
just don't let it
get waxy or i'll
pluck it by proxy ,
in a taxi, one
hair at a time.
Sweet Jesus.

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