939015 fine fellows have paid their respects thus far...
Jamie Theakston ON THE PHONE trying to drum up work

"YES....Well.... I’m VERY mindful of my position and possible potential pernicious influence over the public. The PUBLIC, who are like vacant sponges waiting to soak up whatever moral/ethical imprints and impressions I might ‘put out there’…

These days, one has to be so careful…

....And....Yes.., thanks for reminding me, I DO Remember when I was caught with those hookers?....

 .....That's all behind me now.  And i've grown emotionally too...I've found God and I've even learnt to forgive the hookers.....

.....LOOK I'm  A Proffesional Childrens' Television Presenter. Right. That's WHAT I AM. …I can't help it. It's in the BLOOD

I WOULD DEARLY LOVE TO GO ON A THREE DAY BENDER WITH skanks whores pushers gypsies tramps and thieves AND SNORT LINES OF COKE OFF THEIR BARED BREASTS AND FREEBASE UP THEIR ASSHOLES…. BUT I WILL NOT Because I’m acutely aware of my public position. And subsequently I WOULD NEVER do that kind of thing, AS I UNDERSTAND, IT’S MY DUTY TO PROTECT THE MASSES FROM THAT KIND OF repellent BEHAVIOUR.....

.....Sometimes I wish I was less well known and less moral, then I could drug myself up shove a raw King Edward potato up my Dartford Tunnel and masturbate into a fireman’s helmet 'til the cows come home. Or whatever it is that gets people off in this day-and-age.... Perhaps ingest a bit of half-cooked bacon on some fishing wire and yank out just at the moment of climactic fruitition? combining the jerky spasms of warm ejaculant with the involuntary boke-up-chuck puke mechanism resulting in a double dose of heady hedonism…What about a jar of chunky peanut butter warmed up in the microwave spread over the testis and let the dog lick it ALL off. Inserting a tampon in the anus? Cleaning out the Jap's eye with a cotton wool bud and some  contact lens fluid?

No. I’ve consciously denied myself all these basic ‘coming of age’ normal everyday sexual pleasures because I have an acute sense of responsibility. I DO SO wish more celebs would show the same moral fibre but alas we live in decadent times"..
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