939002 fine fellows have paid their respects thus far...
Removed for moral, ethical & psychological reasons.

  The Aristocrats directed by Paul Provenza.
Some of you might remember Paul Provenza from Northern Exposure.

The Aristocrats is a video documentary comprising a whole host of stand up comics writers, producers and agents all trying to explain the phenomenon of a ‘comedians’ comedians joke: The Aristocrats. The joke has a simple set-up and punch line gag, which goes something like… A man walks into a theatrical agents office and says ‘I’ve got the best new act you’ve ever seen it’s a ‘family act’. IE: Father, mother, daughter, son and pet dog…. (The comic then lists the lewdest, vilest most degrading & pornographic inter familial incestuous, scatological, bestial situations one can imagine) When the man has finished his description of the ‘act’ the agent says ‘Phew, that’s some act. What’s it called?’ to which the man replies ‘The Aristocrats’.

It’s not a great joke, but the point is the improvised midsection, which allows a comic to really push the envelope of acceptability.

Bob Saget is probably the filthiest, and in one scene he actually decides that rather than have a character whose flattened his cock in a desk-drawer to skull fuck someone’s empty eye socket it’d be better and ‘more believable’ for the flat-cock to fuck someone who was unconscious as a closed eye would be a better fuck for a flat cock. Talk about warped logic! The Southpark version runs a pretty close second With Carrie Fisher and Taylor Negron running neck & neck third place. There’s tons of other hilarious, heinous, contributions from Jon Stewart, Pat Cooper, Hank Azaria, Rip Taylor, Jason Alexander, Drew Carey, Whoopi Goldberg, Eddie Izzard, George Carling, Eric Idle, Billy Connolly, Doug Stanhope, Larry Miller, Richard Jeni, Greg Rogell and a special mention for Kevin Pollack who reckons that when he impersonates Albert Brookes he’s funnier, quicker and sharper than he is as Kevin Pollack!

Anyhow, watching the Aristocrats reminded me of my own short-lived stand-up comedy career. I quit last May (2005) after a ‘run’ of shows in Edinburgh Stand Comedy Club. I was the warm-up man who left everyone cold as I walked on and called the audience ‘Yuppie Scum’ adding that I wished they would ‘all die’. This ‘outburst’ came at the end of a three-year stint doing comedy, which left me feeling like Tim Henman (strong start but can’t EVER finish) When I started I had ONE AMBITION: Which was to be as over the top as possible. After shocking and offending many audiences, I sort of lost my way and started to tell-jokes. This was the beginning of the end, as I’d originally simply wanted the power to offend. But latterly I wanted the audiences to ‘Like Me’. After watching the Aristocrats I can now clearly see the error of my ways. So, by way of explanation and in order to show that ALL ALONG I was really telling the Aristocrats routine over-and-over (except I didn’t know it at the time!) please pray silence for ‘I Live With My Mother’ Please bear in mind that this material is offensive, there’s no-way around that, and I did it during the Edinburgh Festival in front of teenagers, which was a tad awkward. So here it is for you to enjoy in all its Freudian glory. (section removed for psychological reasons)
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