I played guitar with Dean Proctor's band The Low Gods, we used to rehearse in the basement at Chapter Arts Centre in Canton Cardiff. One fine Sunday afternoon we turned up to rehearse prior to our regular Sunday nite jam/get up and play session in Chapter's downstairs bar. We 'found' several large vats of wine and beer which were, would you believe it... In the Bar...After secreting them in the bass drum we stopped rehearsing and got absolutely bladdered. We then came across bin bags full of clothes that'd been donated for charity. The bags had dresses in them...I think you can guess the rest...Simon, the drummer was done up in some basque with his knackers dangling, Terry the bassplayer was wearing some baby-doll outfit with a strategically cut hole for his 'cocky' to peep thru, I had some cami-knicker concoction and a fur coat on...By the time Dean turned up we were so very pissed & stoned that we'd all reverted to some sort of sub vocal evolutionary stage rather like William Hurt in Altered States...we seemed to be able to comprehend each other, but no-one else could understand a fucking word of the gibberish we were spouting...Dean LEFT and went home in disgust. But I think we still played on...that's commitment to the cause.
We went to London & played The Royal Standard, I took Mark Pumford and a bottle of vodka...we met John Cooper Clarke and sang do-wop songs...I smashed my hands falling over with my Orange Amp. On the journey back to Wales, I fell asleep in the back of the transit only to awaken half-way, pull out my cock and proceed to PISS ALL OVER SIMON AND TERRY. Simon was yelling 'He's Pissing He's Pissing" and Terry was going "I'm fucking going to kill you Buckland, I'm fucking soaked" Terry was DRIVING at the time. This information is 'sketchy' at best. Thanks for the prompt Dean, I'd totally forgotten!
Update from Shadwell: A Sober Account of the dressing up incident.
On Reading your Low Gods story in the drug tales section, I feel I should point out;
1. Simon actually brought a five gallon drum with him with the specific intention of filling it from the Stella tap when the management let us in to move our gear out of the bar.
2. The women's nightware belonged to Jeff (our manager)'s misses, whom we all hated with a passion.
3. Terry wore a puple satin one piece harem suit having burned the crotch out with a fag just enough to pull his bollocks (sans cock) through.
4. Simon wore the same in pink but switched the genital reveal (ie cock no bollocks
5. You wore a babydoll nighty and your doctor martins (and insisted on shouting woo woo and raising the front of it at everyone who looked at you when you all went upstairs to the bar - completely pointless as it didn't cover your genitals anyway)
6. Lighty wore a neglige which he cut the arse out of with a pair of scissors.
7. Even though you'd been asked to leave the crowded bar for half an hour and even though they had to call two security guards in from their respective homes to remove you, I was assured by the manager that you still wouldn't have been banned.
8. It was when Lightly took a dump (through the conventiently holed neglige) in the entrance doorway in front of the bouncers, who saw him too late and were too afraid to jump in for fear of being covered in his faeces. That was when you were banned.
Also, it was Simon who you pissed on while he was driving the minibus (I honestly believe you did that in your sleep). |
